he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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