We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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