apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
