I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
