I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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