You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
