I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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