She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I party with great urgency now.
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