I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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