well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
