dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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