My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Enjoy the penises
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
