My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
