sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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