oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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