I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
