Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
