I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
