did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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