remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
