i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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