America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
