Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
