well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i may or may not be watching the land before time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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