I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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