I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
