Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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