Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
