I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
