I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
