We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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