wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
