Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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