You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
