After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
