just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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