i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
