Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
