But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
