hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
