D3 body, D1 cock
smell my finger.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
