but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
