you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
