He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
