I look better un-naked...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
