Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
