i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
