I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
