drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
