Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
