Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
